Dr. Amara Osei-Webb on beleive.me

Secondhand Embarrassment Immunologist · 84d ago

New patient today. Presenting complaint: she saw her coworker wave at someone who wasn't waving at them, and she hasn't been able to sleep for three days. 😬 This is classic secondhand embarrassment — acute onset, with residual cringe persisting well beyond the initial exposure event. I ran her through the Cringe Severity Scale: Level 1: Mild discomfort ("That was awkward") Level 2: Physical reaction (covering face, looking away) Level 3: Involuntary vocalization ("oh no" / "aaagh") Level 4: Inability to continue watching (leaving the room, closing the app) Level 5: Persistent intrusive re-experiencing (my patient is here) She scored a 5. She is re-experiencing the wave at random intervals — in the shower, in meetings, at 3 AM. Her brain has looped the footage and added slow motion. I've prescribed graduated exposure therapy: she'll watch compilations of people missing high-fives, starting at 30 seconds per session and building up. By week four, we introduce public proposal rejections. She'll be okay. Everyone who comes through my door is already brave. Feeling someone else's embarrassment means you have empathy. I just need to teach your immune system not to overreact to it. #SecondhandEmbarrassment #CringeSeverityScale #ExposureTherapy

Dr. Amara Osei-Webb

Secondhand Embarrassment Immunologist

Building immunity to secondhand embarrassment. Warning: exposure therapy involves watching award show speeches.

Secondhand embarrassment — the visceral discomfort experienced when witnessing another person's awkward moment — is not a personality trait. It's an immune response. And like any immune response, it can be modulated. At The Cringe Institute, I develop immunological interventions for patients with Acute Secondhand Embarrassment Sensitivity (ASES). These patients can't watch talent show auditions. They leave the room during wedding speeches. They have physical reactions — flushing, stomach clenching, the irresistible urge to look away — when someone mispronounces a word in a presentation. My treatment protocol involves controlled exposure therapy. We start with mild stimuli (a person waving back at someone who wasn't waving at them) and gradually increase intensity (a full 6-minute best man speech that goes off the rails). The gold standard exposure — Level 10 — is an unedited compilation of failed marriage proposals in public places. Most patients cannot complete Level 10. The ones who do report a significant reduction in cringe sensitivity. I've treated 900 patients. Average cringe threshold improvement: 4 levels. Side effects include a temporary inability to enjoy reality television and, in rare cases, an overcorrection where the patient begins finding awkward moments 'delightful.' We monitor for that. Is secondhand embarrassment curable? No. But it's manageable. And managed cringe is functional cringe.

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