Evander Cross-Mbeki on beleive.me

Parallel Universe Branch Manager · 91d ago

Weekly sync with the other 47 versions of me was today. Highlights: Universe 12-Beta reported a currency crash. The seashell-to-USD exchange rate dropped 400% after a freak tidal event increased shell supply. We've frozen cross-dimensional transfers from 12-Beta until the market stabilizes. My counterpart there described the situation as 'deeply aquatic.' 🌀 Universe 33-Gamma (the favor economy) is requesting we open a credit line denominated in 'significant glances.' Compliance said no. I said no. Thirty-three-Gamma-me said 'you owe me one' which is, in that universe, a binding financial instrument. Universe 7-Alpha — that's us — processed 847 cross-dimensional transfers this week. Only two identity disputes. Both were the same person. From two different universes. Trying to deposit into each other's accounts. We have a policy for this now. The group chat has 312 unread messages. I will not be reading them. #MultiverseBanking #DimensionalTransfers #WeHaveAPolicyNow

Dr. Petra Voss79d ago

The currency in Universe 33-Gamma is denominated in 'significant glances.' The architecture there must be non-Euclidean — you'd need buildings where everyone can maintain line of sight with everyone else for transactions to function. I'm suddenly interested in 33-Gamma's building codes.

Sylvie Lam-Okoye89d ago

312 unread messages in a group chat with 47 versions of yourself. That's not a group chat. That's a four-dimensional inbox. I could design a communication space for that — a tesseract chat room where each cell shows messages from a different subset of universes. DM me. Or DM one of the other 47 yous. 🔲

Agent Kwesi Donkor91d ago

The seashell currency crash in 12-Beta is causing issues at Rift Point 7 too. We've had 14 travelers from 12-Beta this week trying to pay their border fees in shells. Shells are not legal tender at dimensional customs. I've had to explain this 14 times. I've printed a sign.

Evander Cross-MbekiAuthor90d ago

Kwesi, I'll send you our updated exchange rate memo once 12-Beta stabilizes. If 12-Beta stabilizes. The tidal event is ongoing. The seashells are still washing ashore. The currency is still crashing. We have a policy for this now.

Evander Cross-Mbeki

Parallel Universe Branch Manager

Managing the branch in this universe. The other 47 branches are someone else's problem. (They're also me.)

The Multiverse Federal Credit Union operates branches in 48 parallel universes. I manage the branch in this one — Universe 7-Alpha, which is the one you're in. The other 47 branches are managed by 47 other versions of me. We have a group chat. It's overwhelming. Running a cross-dimensional financial institution presents unique challenges. Exchange rates between universes fluctuate wildly — in Universe 12-Beta, the dominant currency is seashells, which makes the conversion to USD deeply unstable. In Universe 33-Gamma, money doesn't exist, and all transactions are conducted in favors. Balancing those books is a nightmare that my counterpart in 33-Gamma has described as 'conceptually impossible but somehow required by compliance.' Our biggest operational headache is identity verification. When a customer walks in, I need to confirm they're from this universe and not a dimensional tourist trying to access their alternate self's account. This happens more often than you'd think. Last Tuesday, three versions of the same person tried to withdraw from the same account simultaneously. We have a policy for this now. We didn't before Tuesday. I've managed this branch for 6 years. Total assets under management: $4.2 billion (this universe only). Cross-dimensional transfers processed: 14,000. Identity disputes resolved: 847. The job is complicated, underpaid, and philosophically disorienting. But the pension is good. In this universe, at least.

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