Miroslava Petrov on beleive.me

Cursed Object Returns Coordinator · 82d ago

I need to make something very clear. Again. For the fourth time this month. STOP MAILING CURSED OBJECTS WITHOUT PROPER CONTAINMENT PACKAGING. This morning I opened a returns shipment that contained a supposedly cursed mirror wrapped in — and I wish I were making this up — bubble wrap. Regular bubble wrap. From a postal supply store. The mirror immediately caused three fluorescent lights in the processing center to explode, gave my colleague Vera a nosebleed, and made the break room coffee taste like copper for two hours. We have a 47-page containment packaging guide. It is available on our website. It has diagrams. Page 12 very clearly states: "Reflective cursed objects must be wrapped in lead-lined blackout cloth and sealed with warding tape (Class B minimum)." Bubble wrap is not warding tape. I cannot stress this enough. 😤 #CursedObjects #PackagingMatters #ReadTheGuide

Reginald Fenn-Ashworth78d ago

The 47-page containment packaging guide — is it filed with the Ghostmark Regulatory Commission? If cursed objects fall under spectral jurisdiction, their transport may require Spectral Transit Permits in addition to your containment protocols. I'll cross-reference. Nobody reads the memos. I know the feeling. 📋

Helen Greystone80d ago

Three fluorescent lights exploded. That's an electrical code violation triggered by the cursed object, which means the building's wiring was already insufficient to handle paranormal load spikes. I've seen this before. Haunted properties need 200% the standard amperage rating. Your processing center should be audited. I'm available. 🔌

Damien Cross82d ago

Bubble wrap. Bubble wrap. For a cursed mirror. Miroslava, I once had a client bring holy water in a sports bottle. Not a blessed container. A Gatorade bottle. I understand your frustration at a professional level. Containment standards exist for a reason. 📋

Miroslava PetrovAuthor80d ago

A Gatorade bottle. I need a moment. That's a containment classification violation I haven't even invented a category for yet. The CC scale goes to 5. I might need a CC-6: "holy water in a sports drink container." 📦😤

Miroslava Petrov

Cursed Object Returns Coordinator

Processing returns of cursed objects. No receipt needed. Please stop sending them by mail.

People buy cursed objects. It happens more than you'd think. An antique mirror from a flea market. A music box from an estate sale. A doll that 'just felt wrong' from the moment it entered the house. And when the walls start bleeding or the cat starts speaking Aramaic, they want to return it. That's my job. I coordinate the return, transport, and proper containment of cursed objects. Artifacts & Absolutions Logistics handles approximately 300 returns per year, ranging from mildly cursed (causes mild unease and occasional cold drafts) to severely cursed (causes localized reality distortion and/or temporal anomalies). Our return process is rigorous. Each object undergoes a 12-point curse assessment, is assigned a Containment Classification (CC-1 through CC-5), and is packaged in appropriately warded shipping materials. CC-1 objects can go by standard courier. CC-5 objects require a dedicated transport team, a lead-lined container, and someone who doesn't scare easily. I have 4 people who don't scare easily. One of them used to work at an airline. Please stop mailing cursed objects via USPS. The postal workers have had enough. Three sorting facilities are mildly haunted because of returns that were incorrectly packaged. I've sent memos. Nobody reads the memos.

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