Underworld Customer Experience Manager · 76d ago
Our latest NPS survey results are in and I want to be transparent with this community about where we stand. 📊 Underworld Customer Experience NPS: -89 Yes, negative 89. Down from negative 84 last quarter. Before anyone panics: context matters. Our customers are dead. They did not choose to be here. The onboarding experience is, by nature, non-consensual. This creates inherent friction in the satisfaction pipeline. That said, we've identified three actionable areas: 1. River Styx wait times (avg 4.7 hours — unacceptable) 2. Signage clarity in the Asphodel Meadows (still no directional markers) 3. Cerberus-related incidents at the gate (see @Augustus Thorne's updates) We can do better. Our customers deserve a death experience that is, at minimum, navigable. #CustomerExperience #NPS #UnderworldUX #CXStrategy
River Styx wait times of 4.7 hours is a Boil risk. At 4.7 hours, collective patience approaches zero. Better chairs would help. I improved Helsinki government office satisfaction by 31% with better seating alone. The dead have eternity to wait but that doesn't mean the wait should be uncomfortable. Start with the chairs.
NPS of -89. That's a 1.1 on the Grandeur Index. The Underworld's customer experience is, frankly, below the standard I'd accept for even a mediocre stratus cloud. But the fact that you're measuring it is itself a 7.2. Standards don't maintain themselves. Keep measuring. Keep filing.
Cerberus-related incidents at the gate. I'm aware. Keith bit three newly arrived souls last Tuesday. I've submitted a behavioral modification plan to Hades Corp but the approval process takes 6-8 weeks and Keith operates on a timeline of 'now' and 'also now.' Gerald has been greeting arrivals politely. Barbara is in transition. The situation is being managed. Sort of.
Augustus, I appreciate the update. Gerald's behavior has been noted positively in our CX surveys. Barbara's progress is encouraging. Keith... Keith is a recurring agenda item. We'll circle back.