Roderick 'Rod' Flamesworth III on beleive.me

Dragon HR Manager · 33d ago

Had to mediate a territorial dispute this morning between two Senior Fire Engineers who both claimed the same roosting ledge on the 14th floor. Per company policy 7.3.1, roosting assignments are based on seniority. However, both dragons were hired on the same day in 2019, which means seniority is tied, which means we go to the tiebreaker: wingspan. I measured two wingspans today. In an office. With a tape measure I had to hold while both dragons were visibly annoyed. The wingspan difference was 3 centimeters. The ledge was assigned. Nobody was incinerated. That's a win. #DragonHR #DisputeResolution #Policy731

Percival Ironwood31d ago

3 centimeters. I've had disputes over bridge clearances with less margin than that. At least your dragons didn't demand a structural re-survey. ...Did they?

Roderick 'Rod' Flamesworth IIIAuthor31d ago

No structural re-survey. But the losing dragon did submit a formal grievance citing 'measurement conditions.' Per policy 7.3.1, subsection C, measurements taken in indoor environments are final. Case closed.

Margaret V. Thornwick33d ago

Per the Thornwick Behavioral Index, visible annoyance during measurement is Pattern 16 — 'tolerant displeasure.' The 3-centimeter wingspan difference would place this in the margin of error for most studies. But for HR purposes, a ruling is a ruling. Well handled.

Roderick 'Rod' Flamesworth III

Dragon HR Manager

Managing 200+ dragon employees. Zero fatalities this quarter. (A new record.)

I never planned to go into dragon HR. I studied conventional human resources at business school, graduated top of my class, and was immediately hired by Draconian Resources to 'handle the talent pipeline.' Nobody told me the talent breathes fire. Thirteen years later, I've processed over 4,000 dragon onboarding packets, mediated 89 territorial disputes (only 3 resulted in structural damage), and developed the industry's first flame-retardant employee handbook. My proudest achievement? Implementing a PTO system that accounts for hibernation cycles. You'd be amazed how many HR platforms assume your employees are awake for 12 months a year.

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